Revelation
by kg1507
Summary: "From the moment she'd met Kara Danvers, her joy in new-found friendship had been the truest thing in her life, without a shadow of a doubt. What she didn't know now was how much of their relationship had been real and how much of it was a lie." POST-REVEAL SELF-INDULGENT FIX IT FIC


Lena regrets breaking the glass the moment it shatters beneath her fingers. The alcohol is bitter on her tongue and her vision is slightly fuzzy at the edges, but she is still lucid enough to recognize that the fresh jolt of pain has nothing to do with the feelings of hurt and anger that already fester there. She remembers feeling an almost childlike sense of joy when the photo had been taken, how excited she was to put it in a frame and display it in an office that had never held actual evidence of her personal life. A photo of her and her friends - so simple, yet significant. Her first real friends in years - no, her first real family, ever. Now it lay before her, spiderweb cracks radiating from Kara's smiling face.

Was she really angry with Kara, or angry with herself for not seeing the truth that had been right in front of her? Or was it a little of both? Lex's dying words about her friends all laughing, mocking her behind her back - that hadn't left as much of a scar, mostly because she knew Lex had wanted to hurt her as badly as he could before leaving this earth and she knew her friends weren't as malicious as Lex wanted her to believe. No, what had made Lena angry was how right he'd been about her. She'd been so deep in denial that she'd missed every sign, every flimsy excuse. She _had _been a fool.

The tiny fragments were sharp, but Lena handled them with care, gingerly picking them out of the frame one by one. She made a little pile next to her, counting the shards of her life. When she'd finished with the larger pieces, she pulled the photo free and shook out the last few specks of glass, gently placing it before her so that all three faces were staring back into hers. Even now, knowing their deceit, she could detect no hint of a lie behind their eyes – including her own. From the moment she'd met Kara Danvers, her joy in new-found friendship had been the truest thing in her life, without a shadow of a doubt. What she didn't know now was how much of their relationship had been real and how much of it was a lie.

Lena poured herself another two fingers of scotch and sighed, Kara's face beaming back at her. There was a reason Kara had kept this from her, and she was going to figure it out on her own, the way she had done everything else in her life. She pressed a button on her intercom, telling the new assistant that she was not to be disturbed today and to reschedule all appointments and meetings for that afternoon. She would see no one.

* * *

Lena swiveled her chair in a lazy half circle as she gazed out over the city, her fingers drumming against the armrests slowly and deliberately. She had decided against the second helping of scotch at the last second before it reached her lips, pouring her glass back into the bottle and putting it away instead. She needed her thoughts sharp.

_It's because I'm a Luthor._

It was the first reasoning she came up with, and the one that had repeatedly been a thorn in her side throughout her life. The weight of her last name had always had a heaviness to it, carrying fear and negative connotations. Her ruthless father, her manipulative mother, her insane brother – the world naturally lumped her in with them based on nothing more than assumptions, that she should be just as bad as the rest of them because her name was Luthor. Of course Kara would do the same thing. Maybe they had never been friends to begin with. Maybe Kara had decided the best way for Supergirl to keep tabs on her enemies was by keeping them close. It was a tactic she had seen Lex use countless times. Maybe she needed to finally accept that Luthors and Supers were destined for disaster no matter what good intentions were sown along the way.

But…

Kara was a liar, that much was true, but she had always stood up and defended Lena, regardless of her name. In fact, she was the only one who had always given her the benefit of the doubt, even when the odds were stacked against her. _Now you have someone who will stand up for you, always._ Was it conceivable that Kara was so twisted inside that she had fabricated their entire friendship? Eve had done something eerily similar; it was certainly in the realm of possibility.

But Lena thought of all the lunch dates, game nights, late night texts and early coffee meet-ups and everything in between since the day they met. Every word of kindness and heartfelt hug. Something deep inside told Lena that Kara was just not capable of that kind of cruelty. Considering her new-found knowledge of her friend's duplicity, Lena was sure others would call her naive - but if there was one thing Lena was absolutely sure of, it was Kara's goodness. Lena knew what manipulation and fake love looked like, and Kara was not it.

Kara loved her, and cherished their friendship, that much was true - but she only loved Lena enough to share half of her life with her, the half that was the safest and easiest to explain - and that hurt more than words could say.

* * *

_It's because she was only using me._

All her life, all she'd wanted was love and acceptance, no strings attached. She had sought after it with a fervor that tended to come across as desperation; first with her brother, then with James, everyone who had ever meant something to her. Kara, with her sweet disposition and freely given affection was like a breath of fresh air after so many people had taken advantage of her. They wanted her money, or her power, or as a trophy they could lead in by the arm and boast about. Kara never asked for anything from her, which only made Lena want to lavish her with the bounties of her success. She'd never had friends that she wanted to spoil before, and it made her happy to do it. Maybe she'd tried too hard to buy her friends and they only saw dollar signs when she walked into a room. Maybe they only needed her for what she could give them.

But…

No. That didn't make sense either. Supergirl had asked for her help in the past, but never in a way that suggested she wanted to use Lena for her own purposes. That was completely out of character in either of her personas. This reasoning was mostly due to Lena's own fears and insecurities, not based on actual evidence. Neither Kara nor Supergirl had ever tried to take advantage of her in the time she'd known them… known her… at least that she was aware of. She had been completely oblivious to everything going on right in front of her face, who knew what else she'd been blind to?

* * *

_It's all my fault._

Lying about Sam, about the kryptonite stash, hell, about being able to _make _kryptonite – Lena wasn't proud of the lies, especially now that she knew the secrets that had hurt Supergirl had also hurt Kara. The kryptonite had been to keep Reign under control, and she would _never _think to use it against Kara, but her rage made so much more sense now that she had a little more context to go off of. No wonder she went behind her back with James. How could she blame Kara for being defensive upon learning that her best friend was making kryptonite, the very thing that could kill her?_ Do you know what it's like to walk into a room and your skin feels like it's going to be seared off your bones?_ Kara must have been terrified of the possibilities of mass produced kryptonite, not to mention how betrayed she must have felt.

And then, oh God, Lena had practically told Supergirl to keep her secrets as long as she left Lena her own. She pushed her away, pushed Kara away, and how could she be so upset right now when Kara had only done what Lena asked?

Or…

Or maybe it was a combination of both. Kara must have decided to keep this secret from her because of the kryptonite, because of the lies, because Lena made her feel like telling wasn't a safe option. Who in their right mind would tell someone their secret identity when that person knew how to make the only known substance that could kill them? And furthermore, how could she expect Kara to share her secret with her when Lena herself had kept so much from her alter ego? Supergirl _had _apologized for her behavior, and she _did _say she wanted to start over with a clean slate… but was that Supergirl talking, or Kara? Trying to decipher her relationship with each persona, knowing now that they were one and the same, was harder than thinking she had been friends with two separate people. She didn't know how to untangle the three strands that had somehow become a massive knot of secrets and lies, or where to even start.

Lena's mouth was dry and she desperately wanted another glass of scotch now. She wanted to dull this pain until she was numb from the inside out. Everything she did, everything good in her life, all of it eventually shattered in her hands no matter how hard she tried to be different. Kara didn't trust her because she was afraid of her. That had to be it. There was no other plausible explanation.

_Oh God… It's all my fault._

Lena was just about to retrieve the scotch bottle and give in to the sweet release of an alcohol-induced haze when her office door suddenly flew open despite being locked from the inside. She was shocked to see that it was Kara herself, determination blazing in her eyes. Was mind-reading one of her powers too?

"Lena."

"Kara? How did you-" Lena stopped. How did she get past her assistant? Oh, right, because she's Supergirl. She hoped it wouldn't feel like a punch to the stomach every time she remembered that, although she wasn't too confident that it wouldn't.

Kara entered the room with quick, purposeful steps, her hands swinging comically at her sides like a toy soldier. Lena would have smiled if she didn't feel so miserable and braced herself for the lie that was surely about to leave her friend's mouth.

Kara blew out a breath of air, her hands on her hips. "Well, um, I tried calling you a bunch of times but you didn't pick up, so I came here and your assistant said you weren't seeing anyone today and I told her who I was and she still wouldn't let me through," Kara took a deep breath through her nose and held it for a beat. "So I set a _small _fire in, um, a trash can-" She mimed a hooped shape with her arms. "and ran up the stairs when she was distracted and broke your lock-" She pointed behind her without breaking eye contact. "Just now." She finished.

Lena stared, her mouth slightly parted with disbelief. Whatever she'd been expecting Kara to say, that was certainly not it. "I'm sorry, you what?"

"Lena, I really need to talk to you." Kara said.

Lena looked away, visibly uncomfortable. "Now isn't the best time, Kara."

"No, see," Kara began to pace in front of Lena's desk. "I keep waiting for the right time, and the right time never comes and then more time passes and it gets harder and harder to find the right time and I think maybe, maybe there's never gonna be a perfect, right time to say this, so…" She stopped. "So I just need to say it now."

Lena stood up, her legs slightly wobbly from sitting all afternoon. She was suddenly grateful that she hadn't had that second drink after all. "Say what, exactly?"

Kara sighed, forcing herself to look her best friend in the eye as she reached behind her head, pulling loose each section of the French braid her hair was styled in today. "I set that fire downstairs without matches, because I didn't need them. I used my heat vision. I ran up thirty flights of stairs in less than a second because I can run faster than a speeding bullet. And I broke your door with my bare hands, and that's it." Her hair tumbled around her shoulders as the last section came undone. Lena saw that Kara's hands were shaking slightly as she reached for her glasses, tore them off, and tossed them onto the desk in front of her, revealing her uncovered face for the first time. Lena held her breath.

"I'm Supergirl, Lena." Kara's voice was quiet but firm, without a hint of hesitation.

There was a moment of silence, and before Lena could say anything at all, Kara launched into another speech almost instantaneously.

"Before you say anything, Lena, I need you to know - I wanted to tell you a long time ago, I really did. At first I just wanted to protect you from what knowing my secret could do, how it could be used against you and - and put you in danger." She was pacing again. "But then I realized that you're brilliant and smart and completely capable of protecting yourself, and I knew I could trust you with something like this." She stopped, and her throat suddenly tightened with emotion, her eyes had lost their spark and instead filled with regretful tears. "Then I realized just how many times you'd been lied to, how many people have betrayed you, and I was so afraid, Lena, I was so afraid that if I told you I'd been lying this entire time, you would hate me, and I just… I kept putting it off." Now she turned her back, crossing her arms tightly around her body, trying to hold back the emotional toll of three years worth of lies. She was oblivious to the fact that Lena was slowly circling around her desk, taking small steps towards her.

Kara continued, her voice wavering. "And the longer I put it off, the harder it was to keep it from you. Every day I felt more guilty than the last and I didn't know how to tell you without hurting you. You've trusted me with so much, and all I've done is repay you with lies. I was just so afraid that you would include me with the rest of the people who had betrayed you, and I just need you to know that I never wanted to be the one to hurt you. So I was selfish; I tried to be your friend as two different people. I thought maybe if I could just find a balance, I could make it work, but I can't do it anymore. I want you to know the truth, because you are so important to me and I understand if you never want to see me again. I don't blame you, I-" She stopped, feeling a warm hand rest on her shoulder, the lightest, gentlest pressure, and she turned around.

Lena embraced her tightly, feeling her heart tug as she heard Kara let go. She was crying too. She was still hurt by the lies, and she knew it would take a long time for this wound to heal, but all Lena could think about was how relieved she was that none of her fears had any merit. It wasn't about being a Luthor. It wasn't about trust, or malicious intent, or any of her worst thoughts come to life. All this time, all the lies and deceit, and it had come from a place of love, out of fear of losing her. How many times had Lena been afraid of the very same thing? Kara's decisions had been ill- judged and poorly executed, but Lena was well acquainted with the road paved with good intentions going horribly, horribly wrong.

Kara sniffled, her head resting on Lena's shoulder. Her voice was muffled. "Why are you hugging me? You hate me, don't you?"

Lena shook her head. She was not lost on the parallel of the situation – how many times had Lena broken down in Kara's arms, distraught over the belief that her secrets would cause her friend to run in the opposite direction? "No, no I could never hate you. You are kind and gentle and the most good-hearted person I've ever known. I wish you had told me sooner, and I'm sorry if I made it difficult for you to tell me."

Kara pulled back, horrified at what Lena was suggesting. "No, Lena, don't apologize. That's not what I meant, it's not your fault. I-"

Lena raised her hand, gesturing for her to stop. "If I hadn't been so consumed by the wrongs that have been done to me in the past, if I had learned to put it behind me… maybe you would've been more apt to tell me sooner. I've let anger and pain rule me for so long, I think… I may have forgotten how to forgive." She wiped her tear-stained cheeks with the back of her hand. "Or rather, maybe I've just never had anyone in my life worth forgiveness until now."

Kara sighed, unwilling to accept the blame Lena was putting on herself. "_I _should have told you sooner, no matter how afraid I was of the outcome. You've proven yourself and your loyalty over and over again, and I shouldn't have let this go on as long as it did. This is on me, _not _you."

Lena paused, choosing her words carefully. "We both made mistakes. We've both been dishonest with one another. Can we agree on that and just… stop with the lying from now on?"

Kara nodded earnestly. "Yes, absolutely. No more lies."

"Good," Lena replied simply. "Because I have one more confession to make." Lena felt the familiar symptoms of fear in her body; her hands turned to ice, her heart rate picked up exponentially, her throat tightened as if someone was squeezing it with both hands, but she forced herself to hold herself to the promise she'd just made. She knew this was the moment that would change their friendship forever, but she would face it head-on, with no regrets, whatever the outcome.

"Lex didn't fall to his death, he teleported to a secret base and I was waiting for him there. I extracted the Haren-El from his body, and then I put two bullets in his chest. He died showing me video proof that you and Supergirl are the same person. I destroyed the evidence." She added.

Kara staggered, as Lena had expected. "You… you killed him?" She whispered.

Lena was stony-faced, all the warmth gone from her eyes, hiding the fact that she had never been more afraid than she was in this moment. "He was a psychopath. No one would have been safe with him alive, least of all you. I did what needed to be done, and I would do it again if I had to." She gave Kara a moment to process this information, and when she broke the silence her voice was strained. "Please say something, Kara."

Kara slowly walked to the couch nearby, visibly shaken. Lena followed her, anxiously waiting for her reply. Kara stared into space, her eyes frozen. Long moments passed, each second solidifying Lena's expectations. It was over. She knew it in her heart.

_Goodbye, Kara…_

Kara slowly met her eyes and Lena was shocked at what she saw. There was not a trace of anger staring back at her, but rather a grim acceptance. "He was going to kill everyone on Argo, the very last piece of my home left in existence. He was going to murder innocent people, children… I would have lost my mother all over again." Kara nodded slowly, speaking more confidently now. "He knew who I am. He never would have stopped until everyone I loved was dead."

Lena took a shaky breath. "I killed him. Can you honestly look me in the eye and tell me it doesn't change things between us?"

Kara reached for Lena's hands, warming her icy fingers. Lena gripped tightly, terrified that if she let go it would be for the last time. Kara gestured at the city below them with her chin, then held her gaze. "They all call me a hero. They say I saved millions, human and alien alike. I say that's not true." She squeezed Lena's hands. "_You _did."

Lena broke down and Kara was there to catch her, just as she always had been, except now she wasn't the only one doing the comforting. They cried together, the weight of all their secrets lifting, leaving each of them feeling lighter than they'd been in a long, long time. They both knew there were still hurdles to overcome, issues that needed to be addressed, but the hardest part was done and the moving forward could begin.

Only one of them had superpowers, but Lena finally knew what it must feel like to fly.


End file.
